Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think my fart just growled at me.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
