You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
