There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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