The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
