how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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