It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
