yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
