Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Randomize
