Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
