How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
