I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
