I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
