you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
