fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
