i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
