Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
