i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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