Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
