Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You smell like stripper and shame
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
