Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
