Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
