honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
