Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
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