just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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