K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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