No, you can still breathe under the balls.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
