if i can run in heels then i can drive
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
