Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
