I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Even my vagina gasped.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
