My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
