No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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