Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
