I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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