Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
as a side note pls kill me
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
