can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
