Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
