I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
