what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
he was CRYING into my vagina
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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