We're like a lot better than the average bears
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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