i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
