im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
