dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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