I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
