I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Randomize
