Jerry, you need to find god
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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