I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
