Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
