this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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