I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
