she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Shitshow foam night was such a success
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
