hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
