Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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