At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
