come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
